Postcard from Beijing

"I am chasing a dream. a boy, a life of art, and hope that doors will open up. Learning a lot and enjoying the un-real life of an expat."--xo Su.

There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.--Oscar Wilde

Complete silence for the past 3 hours. Only now the sounds of a fan, of the crickets outside, and of the air brushing through the palm fronds. I am concentrating on these lovely things rather than the occasional machine noise of cars passing by. The night air is merciful. Finally, thankfully becoming cool. The lights of the city are twinkling in the distance of my picture window--past the inky silhouettes of palm trees against a violet night sky. I've always felt a calm looking at city lights in the distance--wherever I am. And such excitement at seeing the lights of a city upon approach. My mother often comments that I felt or acted this way even as a tiny toddler. Perhaps it was growing up in a small town with a bit of wanderlust in my being (I think inherited perhaps from my maternal grandmother's mother). The tiny city lights in the distance take me back to those quiet childhood moments sitting alone in the living room in the dark gazing at the simple beauty of the lights on our Christmas tree.
Through the weekend I've stolen time to read a bit of Oscar....my romanticized, idealized, glass-half-full take on him. Feeling close to Wilde--a fellow Libra. And some shared Irish blood. A lover, not a fighter. An observer. Perhaps bit naive in some respects. A dreamer. An admirer of the gift and beauty of nature. For better or worse though these characteristics may be in certain contexts or situations, I feel overall its these very parts of a being that keep our souls young and in tune with the earth, the moon, the sun and the stars. These qualities give us sympathy, understanding and forgiveness of other humans and keep our eyes wide open to all that can be possible.....
Some particular quotes today I am feeling in tune with....
"Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault. Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are cultivated. For these there is hope...."

I love that he was so much of a lover of nature....aren't you there with him right now?:
"The studio was filled with the rich odour of roses, and when the light summer wind stirred amidst the trees of the garden, there came through the open door the heavy scent of the lilac; or the more delicate perfume of the pink-flowering thorn."

And well, I do quite like this one..... ;)
"I prefer women with a past. They're always so damned amusing to talk to."

The Hunger

Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength, strength and courage to yield to. --Oscar Wilde

Malediction Society Gemini Ball

"I have three types of absinthe, German, Swiss, and French. The French is the most expensive, $25 per ounce." Ezra and I had "death in the afternoon": absinthe poured over the sugar cube, lit on fire, and mixed with champagne. The dreamy feel of the drink was the perfect concoction for our foray into a gothic world last night.
"The goths are like hippies--they're very nice" Ezra noted. Its true. They welcomed us without question. It was wonderful to try something so different from the usual scene and its a bit liberating to know you can go somewhere and escape for a while. Especially yesterday, I needed to do that. It was like being transported back to some other time and certainly some other place. Aside from the palm trees, it certainly doesn't look like typical Los Angeles.

daysleeper

in one of those many lives i've lived, i lived in athens, ga, home of REM, with my boyfriend of the time for nearly three years. we moved west together and i tortured myself the entire drive across texas listening only to REM and crying in the way some people do to barbara streisand's "Memories." oh, what a patient man to endure my melodrama ;) he eventually became my husband, and then my ex. he's an amazing man, and its still difficult at times to think of our ending. we were together for about 10 years of our very young lives as we grew up and apart. i was teary tonight for some time during the REM concert at the hollywood bowl. my friend mark was sweet enough to comfort me. many things hit me as i realized the last time i saw REM was 9 years ago with my ex here in LA (though we weren't living here). it was a magical evening at the greek theater, amazing seats that our friend who worked for REM arranged for us. but most importantly, it was the night before i bought my wedding dress.... i didn't let myself stay in that sad place too long as i chose instead to recall how great i felt that night with him, and all the amazing memories i've shared with friends over the years listening to and seeing REM perform. i thought of high school friends jodi and william, my boyfriend roger who had the cool muscle car, the best basement parties, and a dock we'd all sit on having our youthful intellectual discourse while gazing at the creek and stars listening to the best music his 35 year old brother introduced us to.

i am sure a therapist would have a field day with this. my attraction to men that i'll never have..... in my fantasy world, probably since age 15, i've gone for creative, skinny, dandy, man-loving blue-eyed men with cherubic lips. with these men its the look but its mostly their minds. the attractive intellect. deep thinkers. poets: on the page, on the dress form, of the song. its different as i've become older because i actually know or socialize with some of them now. michael stipe is such a talented performer. his voice is as smooth as honey and his range is incredible. to me he is as handsome today as he was 20 years ago. and he was so humble with everyone at the after party. i am so thankful to have had this evening with my friends dave, mark and christine--my induction into the beautiful hollywood bowl.

this is from a best friend from high school and college whom i lost touch with over the years only to be reunited through myspace and my stint on crapality television. for reuniting me with dear friends, i am thankful for the evils of technology. we were nicknamed by a "mean girl" in high school as "jessica trendy and jodi fashion." i emailed her to let know i was thinking of her as i prepared to hit the REM show. here's what she had to say regarding a concert in richmond, va circa 1991. mind you, i had an armful of stacked, thin madonna-esque silver bracelets and was throwing them as "gifts" to sir stipe, hoping he'd put one on so i could shriek like a groupie. barely a woman, i wanted the creative gay man's seed.... LOL. we had seats on the side, but even back then, you couldn't keep baby in the corner as they say. i had to be front row!!!! jodi says, "I remember Mr. Stipe himself stopping the concert, because "someone" was throwing bracelets on stage. I busted my leg falling through chairs as we lept through the crowd to get front row. the two of us were trouble. i have a million funny memories. I would do it all again in a heartbeat................... jodixoxo"

Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

It is a green drink otherwise known as The Green Fairy. I understand is not anywhere as strong as it was back in its heyday. Many of my most favorite intellectuals and artists of that time consumed it regularly: Ernest Hemingway, Edgar Degas, Pablo Picasso, Oscar Wilde, and Vincent Van Gogh.

I'm sort of obsessed with it right now--the way I get you know.  I am not usually one for licorice/anise flavor, but the whole ritual of the drink, the lovely perforated absinthe spoon resting on the glass holding the sugar cube (one bartender dripped absinthe over the cube slowly, another lit the cube on fire after a bit of absinthe had absorbed), sipping it so slowly in the dark....it seemed to agree quite well with me and made me happy..... Here is more info for you