Friday, May 30, 2008


in one of those many lives i've lived, i lived in athens, ga, home of REM, with my boyfriend of the time for nearly three years. we moved west together and i tortured myself the entire drive across texas listening only to REM and crying in the way some people do to barbara streisand's "Memories." oh, what a patient man to endure my melodrama ;) he eventually became my husband, and then my ex. he's an amazing man, and its still difficult at times to think of our ending. we were together for about 10 years of our very young lives as we grew up and apart. i was teary tonight for some time during the REM concert at the hollywood bowl. my friend mark was sweet enough to comfort me. many things hit me as i realized the last time i saw REM was 9 years ago with my ex here in LA (though we weren't living here). it was a magical evening at the greek theater, amazing seats that our friend who worked for REM arranged for us. but most importantly, it was the night before i bought my wedding dress.... i didn't let myself stay in that sad place too long as i chose instead to recall how great i felt that night with him, and all the amazing memories i've shared with friends over the years listening to and seeing REM perform. i thought of high school friends jodi and william, my boyfriend roger who had the cool muscle car, the best basement parties, and a dock we'd all sit on having our youthful intellectual discourse while gazing at the creek and stars listening to the best music his 35 year old brother introduced us to.

i am sure a therapist would have a field day with this. my attraction to men that i'll never have..... in my fantasy world, probably since age 15, i've gone for creative, skinny, dandy, man-loving blue-eyed men with cherubic lips. with these men its the look but its mostly their minds. the attractive intellect. deep thinkers. poets: on the page, on the dress form, of the song. its different as i've become older because i actually know or socialize with some of them now. michael stipe is such a talented performer. his voice is as smooth as honey and his range is incredible. to me he is as handsome today as he was 20 years ago. and he was so humble with everyone at the after party. i am so thankful to have had this evening with my friends dave, mark and christine--my induction into the beautiful hollywood bowl.

this is from a best friend from high school and college whom i lost touch with over the years only to be reunited through myspace and my stint on crapality television. for reuniting me with dear friends, i am thankful for the evils of technology. we were nicknamed by a "mean girl" in high school as "jessica trendy and jodi fashion." i emailed her to let know i was thinking of her as i prepared to hit the REM show. here's what she had to say regarding a concert in richmond, va circa 1991. mind you, i had an armful of stacked, thin madonna-esque silver bracelets and was throwing them as "gifts" to sir stipe, hoping he'd put one on so i could shriek like a groupie. barely a woman, i wanted the creative gay man's seed.... LOL. we had seats on the side, but even back then, you couldn't keep baby in the corner as they say. i had to be front row!!!! jodi says, "I remember Mr. Stipe himself stopping the concert, because "someone" was throwing bracelets on stage. I busted my leg falling through chairs as we lept through the crowd to get front row. the two of us were trouble. i have a million funny memories. I would do it all again in a heartbeat................... jodixoxo"

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